Children and their father--he used the children because I made sure I gave them a home and took care of them and he just coasted along as part of the 'family.' He didn't have a job and refused to find one saying that his contribution was to watch the children and do the laundry as well as make dinner. He called all the shots as to what his 'contributions; to the family were. It wasn't till I recently when a very good friend who was also a professional woman with two little children were married to the same kind of man. Her therapist said to her that every relationship must be 50/50. Both parents must contribute equal parts.
What a concept! Equal parts of effort and sure even if one person makes more money then the other woen should still contribute the most that they canmake into a common house hold account. their money should not be held sperately for them to use as their pocket money. The father has to contribute and support the children financially as well as in person. When he said that he made so much less than I did that he shouldnt' have to work but leave it all up to me, that should have been a warning .
As for holding down a part time job or college, again those are not good enough and are not equal shares. When divorce is actually done, the court also believes that the spouse should pay a certain amount and that the person better get a job to take care of their child properly
If only I would have known this from the beginning, I would have used that as criteria that I should have kicked him out regardless that he was the father. I would have avoided having to support him. the children also watched us and were aware of the tension. they saw the way we unsuccessfully communicated and they mimicked us when they were older.
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